5 Days. Only 5 days before every change I have feared all summer will be thrown in my face. Maybe I'm a baby, maybe I'm selfish, maybe you really don't care about my fears and anxiety about what I think is going to be one of the biggest changes of my life thus far. But we all have different perspectives and definitions,not to mention feelings on what we consider scary, terrifying, anxiety inducing, changes. Your move to college maybe have been low stress all fun, but I am different than you and life with different circumstances.
All of this has made me think long and hard about why change is so scary and can be so debilitating. Any change is going to cause you stress. But that might not be bad stress. It might be excitement. You finally bought that house you've always wanted. But it might be bad stress too. You are moving across the country away from your family and everything you've known you whole life. It can be exciting and scary at the same time. The fear that comes with it though, is simply the fear of the unknown.
Why am I so scared to move away? Because I am scared of the unknown. It simply comes down to that. I don't know what's going to happen, what awaits me, what struggles I will have to overcome, problems I'll face, how everything will play out. But I can't know, no one can. I may have more worries than the average 18 year-old, but that doesn't mean I should let that stop me.
We humans, we find comfort in routine. We all do. We know what will happen, when it will happen, and we can plan. But obviously routines can't stay the same forever. Changes have to happen. Identifying what we fear about change can help us know what we are feeling and why we are feeling that way.
I fear living away from my home for the first time in my life. I have never lived outside of New Jersey and now I will be miles away, with winter break being the first time I can come home.
I fear what problems will arise from my food allergies and restrictions. How will I have enough money to buy what I need while also cooking as much as I can, but still using the mandatory money set for the dining hall. How can I trust someone to cook my food when I have been cooking it all for years. Will I get sick?
I fear finding the space and time to devote to my yoga practice. College yoga classes are out (way to easy) as well as studio classes (no money). I need to find a space to have my practice and be able to use my online videos as well.
I fear how much work I will have. I think all students fear this, but I had such bad seniorits last year, I hope it wore off and I am back to my old highly studious self.
I fear finding time to blog and all that entails. Cooking, social media, emails, maintenance, writing, reading. Blogging is still so important to me I would never stop. I am going to cut back on how much I post, but I can't and won't stop.
I fear navigating a brand new city. I am a rural girl. I have lived in the county my whole life. Cities are foreign to me. But I have to remind myself how I felt that first time in DC. I felt amazing. It has been my dream to live there and now I get my chance. I just hope I get my city legs and don't get lost or stranded.
I fear staying organized and on top of everything. I am independent and have been my whole life. I am super organized and know what I have to do. Yet when things get to be so much and now completely on me, I get scared. How will I know I am taking the right classes, I am doing the right work, I am completing things on time?
I fear not seeing my family for months at a time. I've seen my mom and talked to her every day of my life. Now I won't. Yes, I will be calling her up...a lot.
I fear I am going to make the wrong decision. My major is going to be a waste. I shouldn't have picked GW.
I fear losing myself. I'm scared I just won't be able to handle it all. That I'm not ready.
That is all nonsense. I have dealt with change before. Maybe not this much at one time, but I have and I know I can do it. I'm not going to be living at home the rest of my life. I know how to handle my food allergies after 5 years. I will make time for my passions yoga and blogging. I know I can be my studious self and take my education seriously. I will find my way in the city. It just takes time. I know how to be organized and independent; I always have been. I will see my family and my dad can always pick me up if I have to come home. I am not making the wrong decision. GW was my dream school and I was blessed with the chance to go. I can always change my major, I am only a freshman. I will adapt, it just takes time and it takes a positive mind.
I won't lose myself because I know I have support and love. I can get help if and when I need it. I am not being forced to do anything. This is a change I want and have always wanted. I am scared now because I simply don't know. I don't know, but I won't know until I try. And I am going to try. We can never really never "ready" for change, we can only see how it goes, adapt, embrace, and try.
So tell me:
+ What's one change that you were terrified of, but you gave it a try anyway?
+ Are you good with adapting to changes?
**Yesterday was a really great day. One of the best I've had all summer. I now feel a lot better about this coming week and my mind is in a pretty okay place right now! Sometimes me need those good days, and yesterday was that for me. I'll tell you more about it on Friday, but for now, have a beautiful Power Monday!**
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