Big Buff Guy: “What gym to you pump iron at?”
Me: “Gym? Please. I CRUSH iron at H.O.M.E.!”
Big Buff Guy: “Really? I have never heard of H.O.M.E?”
Me: “O, it is the best. Let me tell you why…”
Perk #1 – Any time, any place. Want to workout in the living room go ahead, want to workout in the bathroom, you can do that too!
Perk #2 – You don’t have to wear special attire. Working out in pjs is the way to go! You don’t have to set out your clothes the night before to motivate yourself, just jump out of bed and go. If you sleep naked, don’t worry, that is 100% acceptable.
Perk #3 – You don’t have to freeze your butt off to go outside, get in the car, and walk in. That saves money to. No need to get gas!
Perk #4 – All the equipment, all the time. Want to use those dumbbells? Need some floor space for kettlebell swings? Well you don’t have to wait or tell people to get the hell out of you way! No waiting for the kid on the leg press, texting pictures of his muscles, to get off or actually start working out! Bye-bye equipment hoggers!
Perk #5 – Less germs. Those dumbbells that you just grabbed are not infested with the germy grip sweat of the meat-head who flexes in the mirror. It just has your own sweat!
Perk #6 – Speaking of meat-heads…they won’t be a bother to you! No grunting and yelling or slamming down barbells. Now of course you might be a meat-head and do this stuff yourself, but at least no one else is around to hear it!
Perk #7 – You have access to all the classes! Didn’t get there early enough for a Spin bike? Psh, well you have your own personal one with everything set and ready to go! Feel like some TRX? All you need is to buy the straps and hang them up! Or maybe you feel like doing some Zumba but don’t want to look like an uncoordinated baby giraffe. Well just pop in a DVD and jam out! No one is there to judge your moves and grooves…while in your pjs!
Perk #8 – You don’t have to deal with all the gym gossip that goes on in those cliquey classes like yoga, Pilates, or Spin. No, you just get to talk to yourself about how awesome you are!
Perk #9 – You don’t have to workout next to the non-deodorant wearers! Speaking of hygiene…you also don’t have to worry about running into naked old women in the locker room. I think that speaks for itself.
Perk #10 – No people to talk to or get distracted by! You can get in your workout in record time. No women on her cell phone chating about her new boob job while walking at the pace of a snail on the treadmill. No newbies asking you how to turn on the treadmill. No snotty desk assistant telling you you can’t use the gym until you put money toward you contract. So this way, the only person you can blame for getting delayed or distracted is yourself!
Big Buff Guy: “Well that does sound pretty beast! How do I join?”
Me: “Just go home! O and make sure you pay your mortgage…that’s you contract.”
So tell me:
Where do you work out?
*P.S. This is a humorous post. I have no intention of offending anyone, Just writing for some fun and laughs!*
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